This came out of the "advice for your younger self" thread in the Tech Room, and really deserves it's own thread..

Was it worth it? Do you regret not doing more of it? Do tell..

When I was in my 20s, I was jealous of people who'd been able to start playing in bands, playing shows, maybe even touring or putting out a seven inch or something while they were in high school. I went to HS in such a tiny ass little town, where even the nearest mid-size city (Spokane) didn't have much of a local scene (that I was aware of anyway), and I knew almost no one who was into indie rock or punk or anything that wasn't big alt rock or pop. Didn't really start playing in bands until college when I was 20.

Now, I look back, and pretty soon after playing in bands I got to do all that, went on lots of 2-4 week tours, put out records (sometimes other people even paid to put them out for us!), got to play with some better known bands, and it feels silly that I thought I was so far behind when I was like 22 compared to some of my peers.

Don't compare yourself to your musical heroes and judge your creativity against theirs.

Identify what it is you do that's unique and try to see it as an asset rather than a hinderance.

Life only moves in one direction. There is nothing constructive in dwelling on past decisions, indecisions, fantasies and regrets. As long as there is another minute following this one, there is always work to be done and the potential that the best is yet to come.

Would've definitely enjoyed doing the band thing.

I have some little regrets of course, but overall don't. There was really never any 'choice' in the matter, it was pursue this stuff or die. I was a suicidal teenager before getting involved with bands, projects, and recording and feel pretty certain what the outcome would have been had I gone for a business degree and done things the proper way or whatever. It's no surprise that the best I've felt over the last year and a half were times spent at a practice space or studio, even if it meat masking up to do so. It's the only thing in life where I feel 100% engaged and the rest of the world or time doesn't matter. I don't even care where it 'goes' or who hears it at this point. And since it seems like the world is slowly dying before our eyes anyway I don't see why it should stop now..

tallchris wrote: Fri Jul 23, 2021 11:28 am Now, I look back, and pretty soon after playing in bands I got to do all that, went on lots of 2-4 week tours, put out records (sometimes other people even paid to put them out for us!), got to play with some better known bands, and it feels silly that I thought I was so far behind when I was like 22 compared to some of my peers.

I still do this though! I can't believe so and so made X masterpiece record when they were like 20 or whatever.. blows my mind. I'm horrified by almost any music I was involved in before the age of 32 or so..

I was usually on the outside looking in, always afraid to step outside of myself and making things out to be more complex than they really were. I eventually figured some of it out and spent much of my 40s doing what I should’ve been doing in my 20’s.

Advice to my young self-

1. The cheapest and fastest way is usually the wrong way. Embrace process, but not to the point of overkill.

2. Don’t rely on the approval of others to validate your project.

3. Don’t hitch your wagon to a turd. People are full of empty promises, and the emperor often has no clothes.

4. Not all songs need bombast or a fast part (I’m looking at you, 17 yr old me).

5. Drink less and exercise more, and quit moping about the ladies. 4 or 5 gals showed interest in you last night, but you were too caught up in yourself to notice.

6. Go see a shrink and get on an antidepressant, stat.

That’s all I can think of right now, but I’m sure there’s plenty more.

I'm 50 years old and have been in bands or somehow active in music since I started in school band at 11. At 21 I decided I was going to play original rock and see how that went. I didn't really have any plans for where that all would go, except I wanted to play rock that was somehow driven by punk and the values of independent music. I think I was fortunate to have already known there were ways bands could make their own records, book tours, etc. So like, I knew I could do a band without waiting for anyone to ALLOW me to do a band. I think this was a critical juncture and kind of radicalized me into being "ok, I can do music on my own terms forever, but I also need a goddamn job forever."

By my late 20s I had a professional job, and would later get married and have a kid, so that's my thing now. Looking back on my 20s, I kinda regret not going a little harder with music. I never really got the the point where my music would break even, so in some ways it seems like I was wrapped up in a bunch of vanity projects and I get some doubts about whether it was all worth doing or not. I don't for example have some kind of narrative that I can give to my coworkers that really frames this as a successful stretch of my life.

However, the pandemic kinda reset some things about all this in a good way. I feel like moving to the city and playing in bands, even if I didn't know what I was doing, was a good thing. I think learning how to do music by experimenting, making and releasing your own music, booking your own gigs, printing your own t-shirts: that was really important stuff and I'm proud of all of it and none of that has to be justified to people who never lived that kind of life.

I don't have any regrets about playing or not playing in bands. I've been in as many bands as I've wanted to be in, made the music I wanted to make, and took a break when it was needed. Never really did the touring thing though, and I don't know that I would have wanted to, honestly.

What I do have regrets about is not pursing the audio engineering thing harder. I gave up a "real" engineering degree (mechanical) after 3 years of college to essentially start over and get a four-year degree in recording. I did the internship thing at a major studio. I tried to play the schmoozing/networking game in Nashville. Cut some country demos as a freelancer. But I got tired of being broke and leaned into the audio electronics thing. That led to grad school, an electrical engineering degree, and a well-paying job I'm good at and actually enjoy. But I'll always kinda have that "what if?" feeling about pursuing recording in a professional capacity.

A few years ago I reconnected with an old friend. After exchanging a few pleasantries she asked what I had been doing in the 20+ years since we've seen each other. Other than playing in bands, touring, etc., I really couldn't think of anything. I began to feel self-conscious being that I didn't have a family, own a home, or have a solid career. After a few minutes of thought I replied: "Nothing much - still playing music..." and her response was "Nothing much? That's all you've ever wanted to do!" She was right.

No regerts. Actually, I have one regert and that's waiting until my last band to own who I am, musically speaking, and to assert myself in those situations. Kinda had a "just a drummer" thing going on for most of my life and that's a bunch of bullshit. Been playing music since I was four; I know how it works. I know how I want it to work.

This is a good thread. It's interesting to read the gamut of opinions in this subject, and in particular the fact that those whose lives have gone in a different direction regret not having devoted more time to music, whilst some whose lives have mainly focused on music seem to regret not having branched out and done other things.

I'm not sure which side of the divide I fall on. My job involves music, but consists mainly of cataloguing and documenting other people's rather than making my own. I've played in a fair few bands - some quite good, others not so good - but I don't miss the ego politics and creative compromises that invariably go with the territory of working with other musicians (unless of course you're in a position to pay them to play what you want them to, which I've never been).

I'm still doing the solo (and sometimes duo) thing, and am planning in uploading some new tracks soon, and maybe even playing live again, at the ripe old age of 50. I was talking with an ex-bandmate about why we're both still motivated to do creative things in middle age. In her case it's because she has a strenuous day job and music is a good way offloading stress. In my case it's because I'm a stubborn, bloody minded perfectionist and I still don't think I've done anything that fully does justice to what I'm capable of. Maybe once I've done that - if it ever happens - I'll give it up.