You were out of order, but I am sympathetic to this. I remember a slightly similar experience ten years ago at university, when some stranger student who might as well match the description you gave approached me and asked, "Hey man, where are you from?"

I can't adequately describe the tone that he used; I think that he was going for friendly and came off as patronising, but not just that. There seemed a sort of implication that he wanted me to sit down with him, share a bong, and discuss how cool exotic places are, how spiritual wherever the hell he thought I was from is, maybe share a HI-V.

I took all this from "Hey man, where are you from?" I was furious and told him "England", probably wearing my violent face. (It's a great one, really violent.)
"No man, where are you really from...?" with the same smile, which I found insufferably smug. I looked at him and thought, you trustafarian little hippy wanker, you've never had to properly work or worry for a thing in the world and you think you can just go around asking strangers quite personal questions, because, hey, you're cool, aren't you?

I gave him short shrift and he looked startled. A pretty dubious subtext about identity on my part is not so sub in there, I realise.

I acted badly to this stranger, but his opening gambit was too personal; he tried to get too close, which was presumptuous and rude, though not as rude as I was. You might scoff, but clothes and personal appearance is pretty personal too; when a stranger comes up to you and offers such an unguarded comment, there's a tiny invasion in that; they might mean well, but I don't think that it is freaky to feel that they're being too close.

Etiquette exists for a reason, you damn anarchists.

Edit: on immediately rereading this exchange, it comes off as trivial and absurd. But I felt genuine aggression towards this poor dweeb. I felt bad afterwards, and it is one of the million other little incidents that have made me calm down over the past decade and a half.

MrFood wrote:I shouted at him to fuck off, but he kept creeping back towards me to explain himself, he looked so confused - asking why I was being so hostile

You just broke the heart of a modern-day young Sid Vicious--no doubt the kid is going to dejectedly give up his love of fashion and turn to heroin. After a stint in a band where he really can't play his instrument, he will fatally stab his girlfriend and then OD.

Hope you're happy.

sparky wrote:Edit: on immediately rereading this exchange, it comes off as trivial and absurd. But I felt genuine aggression towards this poor dweeb. I felt bad afterwards, and it is one of the million other little incidents that have made me calm down over the past decade and a half.

Eh, I think you may have taught little Carlos Castaneda a valuable lesson there- the assumption in his query has some racial and patronizing overtones.

"You and me, we're above stuffy english small talk and formality, because you're a darkie and I am down with that, and I know you're down with the fact that I am down with that... because though we've never spoken, I know enough about you to presume, because you're a darkie..."

I was just thinking of 19 year old me, yesterday, and how I was probably the same sort of insufferable jackass.

He's probably in the BNP now because you were such a bastard to him, though.

I think you care about your "look" much more than you believe that you do, in as much as the jeans-t-shirt-trainers outfit signifies that you're not part of some different, more fashion-conscious club. I've met only a handful of people who are genuinely, sincerely indifferent to what their clothing expresses, and those people--without exception--either dress like complete dunderheads (mis-matched shirt and pants) or trust their significant others to dress them. So take a deep breath and admit to yourself that, no, you don't think such concerns are trivial.*

These kids may have been dressed in silly clothes, but I can't for the life of me understand what they did that was so outrageous or offensive. So some dude said he liked your "look." The appropriate response was to thank the guy and chuckle about it later with your friend.





*I really hadn't noticed the indie/noise rock uniform until I attended the T&G 25th birthday bash with my wife. After we'd been there a few minutes, she noted to me, "Everyone here is dressed exactly the same." She was right--99% of the audience wore jeans and black t-shirts. I've been to hundreds of concerts and had never noticed this before. My wife, who hasn't been to nearly as many, picked up on it immediately.

I must have missed a meeting somewhere.

Someone says something nice - even if it's totally vacuous - just say cheers and carry on with your day.
The Sparky situ is entirely different as the fellas comment comes loaded with a load of racial, colonialist, patronising baggage so I could understand enragement there.

Here it just seems to me like you had something else on your mind and you used the unfortunate fella to vent.
I'd apologise to the girl (was she the problem?) and if I saw the fella again I'd apologise to him and give him cut outs from catalogues that might have inspired your look.

You never know he might be an alright fella with interests extending beyond the cut of your jib.

These discussions of fashion here on the PRF have always seemed a bit smug to me. People complaining about 'hipsters', whomever they are, and their glasses, odd jeans, odd hair, etc.

Living in Bishop, GA, one doesn't have much occasion to run into hipsters, especially in large groups. The whole fashion/anti-fashion argument, I would wager, originates in the same part of the cerebral cortex.

Then, last night, I was in Adams-Morgan in our nation's fair capital city, and coming towards me on the sidewalk were two couples, and oddly, they all looked exactly alike. They were all wearing the much-loathed black plastic glasses, euro-shirts, pegged jeans and granny sweaters. I must admit, for the first time, I felt a little bit of nastiness rise up in the back of my mind.

I think it's all about proximity, then.

Food, you were surrounded and felt a bit cut off from your safe zone, and this fellow decided to have a go at evaluating you on terms that were intrinsic to his set of values. This does imply a judgement on his part that you did not feel had the permission to make, and this offended you. In this case, he chose to celebrate your "look," but had you failed to meet his criteria, he surely would have said something nasty about it under his breath. It seems to me, in your mind, you resent the assumption that he's allowed to make any judgement at all, and that by acknowledging his approval, you would have been giving him tacit permission to make that judgement.

You were a rude cunt about it, but we've come to expect that from you.

If there is enough sincerity and kindness in your life that you can afford to piss on offers of more, PM me and I'll provide my address so you can whittle some off and send it over. I'll pay freight.

MrFood wrote:You give with one hand....

dontfeartheringo wrote:Food, you were surrounded and felt a bit cut off from your safe zone, and this fellow decided to have a go at evaluating you on terms that were intrinsic to his set of values. This does imply a judgement on his part that you did not feel had the permission to make, and this offended you.

And punch me in the dick with the other...

You were a rude cunt about it, but we've come to expect that from you.

Just taking the piss, sir.

mostly.


what I mean by that is that I do agree that this set of rules under which he is operating is somewhat presumptuous and he does have some nerve bringing his inner dialogue out.

But you aren't really showing your best side snarling at him.

You had your own set of preconceptions about fashion and the role it plays in people's lives. He focuses on clothing and appearance. The mercurial nature of taste is the wind in his sails. For you, this is a loathsome and contemptible condition. I understand this, but I think that you might be placing just as much weight on an equally untenable position.

It's just clothes, after all.

It's also just hair.

It's just a guitar with metal parts.

It's just hair that grows on your face.

It's just bits of paint smeared on a canvas membrane.

It's just words on a page.

We invest these things with belief and love, distrust and rage, and in doing so, we give them power over us.

If you weren't concerned about your appearance and his perception of it, you wouldn't care.

There's nothing wrong with this EXCEPT that you let it upset you.

Mr Food, I'm with you on this. I tell people like this to fuck off daily. You are well within your rights to.

I'm not down with this 'love your neighbour' stuff. Sometimes you don't simply have the time, patience or inclination to talk to them. It's okay to get to the point as succinctly as possible.

You can't be friends with everybody. And some people behave like idiots.

Don't sweat it.

Dru*Pac, keepin' it ghetto.