"Grow a rubber-neck and blow yourself."

"I wouldn't cross the street to piss on you if you were on fire."

In my much less sensitive days a friend came to me, fearing she might be pregnant. I said 'I can't really pray for you, but I could kick you in the stomache'. I've always wished I could take that back.

chris

"whoever" is all business with the dildo.

I wouldn't piss down your neck if your guts were on fire.


I like my coffee like I like my women... with really big tits.


(about a really awful drummer with no feel-) That boy couldn't swing from the end of a rope.


About Barry Bonds fielding abilities: He couldn't catch a cold.... in Alaska.... with damp socks on.


Southerners love this quaint shit. I won't bore you with the 1000 or so I could reel off. You've probably heard most of them.


Oh, one more- That girl's so ugly she could scare a buzzard off a dumpster.

she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

baby, my cock's not gonna suck itself.

(about a really awful drummer with no feel-) That boy couldn't swing from the end of a rope.

I like, "your drumming has a certain timeless quality."

"Ten of him asshole-to-asshole couldn't organize a beer fart in a whirlpool."

I'd drink her piss just to see where it comes from

My lifestyle determines my deathstyle.

in the stead of an emphatic "yes!" a friend of mine once responded with

"does a one-legged duck swim in a fuckin circle?"