In 4th grade, they showed us this film on Epilepsy and seizures. My teacher was an old bat and was basically deaf. Sometimes when she would turn around to write on the board, I would get up from my desk(last row) and thrash violently on the ground as if I was having a seizure. I was an evil class clown. One day while walking home from school with my friend, I faked a seizure in the middle of a busy residential street. I ran away and hid when a car stopped to help me. Right as I was about to leave my hiding spot, I saw an ambulance with it's flashers driving by really, really slow. I decided to take the back yard route home.

busbus wrote:In 4th grade, they showed us this film on Epilepsy and seizures. My teacher was an old bat and was basically deaf. Sometimes when she would turn around to write on the board, I would get up from my desk(last row) and thrash violently on the ground as if I was having a seizure. I was an evil class clown. One day while walking home from school with my friend, I faked a seizure in the middle of a busy residential street. I ran away and hid when a car stopped to help me. Right as I was about to leave my hiding spot, I saw an ambulance with it's flashers driving by really, really slow. I decided to take the back yard route home.

This sounds like something I would have done at that age.
I remember getting kicked out of class in the 3rd grade because I couldn't stop giggling while our teacher lectured us about homeless people.

I had a teacher I really couldn't stand. None of us could. One day, before class she went to go to the bathroom or whatever, and I went up to her desk and put a couple staples in her coffee.

She didn't take any days off school or nothin, so I assume she never drank it. I didn't understand, at the time, how truly terribly that could have turned out.

That was maybe the most dick move I ever made. There are a LOT of other ones, I'm sure, from when I was in my early 20's or a teen or younger.

GeneralReeves wrote:yea the biggest dick move that i have is probably getting a girl to break up with her boyfriend for me and then i stop talking to her... i think i just lost interest once she was available.. i felt like a dick and never actually apologized...

omfg lol!!11

Linus Van Pelt wrote:

FuzzBob wrote:Not according to about 5 of my classmates at the time, not to mention the girl I was after and a professor of mine who took her side to boot. As far as they were concerned, I was Asshole Of The Year.

Yeah, assuming you didn't leave out any important details, the only dick thing is the schadenfreude, which isn't really a dick move, but a dick emotion. And I wouldn't feel too bad about it.

Would go see Dick Emotion

Marsupialized wrote:I beat up a kid and put dog poop in his mouth in 3rd grade.
Real dick move.

Marpoopialized

ssakmule wrote:

Marsupialized wrote:I beat up a kid and put dog poop in his mouth in 3rd grade.
Real dick move.

Marpoopialized

I still think about it and feel bad, I knew it at the time I was doing it that it was bad but I did it anyway to gain dominance in my class.
The kid didn't deserve it, he was just weak. I felt like I had to make a statement and he just happened to be there and available for fucking with that day.

I broke up with my girlfriend after (drunkenly) telling her I loved her, about a month prior. I guess being drunk is somewhat of a shitty excuse, but she took it seriously and began getting extremely clingy and what not. We were only together for a few months but I've always felt bad.

I didn't even have the balls to break up with her in person. I had to do it (drunkenly) over the phone. She's a very cool person and I still talk to her. I don't know why or how the fuck she forgives me for this, but she's certainly a million times cooler and a better person than I'll ever be. Dick move.

On tour. We were in bum-fuck Wyoming. My band and my buddy's band got put up by the only local band in town. These dudes decided to play us their new record. No problem. By track two the guys aren't just describing how they came up with the awesome part in the studio, they're literally standing and air guitaring in our face as we sit on the couch. It kind of sounds like a crummier Screeching Weasel.

They keep doing that thing, that annoying people do where they say "Wait, wait, listen to this." And then point at the cool moment. I have to keep checking if these guys are serious.

Not long after this display reached an embarrassing height and the album ended, another one of their buddies comes over to have a drink. They repeat the display. Air guitars in our face, sing along, stopping conversation to draw attention to drum fill, etc.

One hour later, we go through round three of their album at full volume. (I'm not joking). Finally, they stop playing it and we can go to bed.

Next morning, my hung over band mate wakes up and asks "Are those dudes still hear?" Ill-informed bass player says "No, they said they had to work early." Hung over band mate says at an almost shout: "Oh, good. At least we won't have to hear that shitty fucking record a fourth time and watch them dance around to it like a bunch of fucking retards. I like sharing my music too, but jesus christ didn't they get the message? Once was too much."

Maybe ten minutes later we hear a door slam and a toilet flush. One of our kind hosts hadn't left yet and woke up in time to overhear it all. We decided it was best to get in the van ASAP. Of course someone was a drag ass. While I waited in the van as it was warming up, I saw local dude get in his truck and slam his door. He sped off to work in a huff.

Oops. We don't plan on asking to stay at their house next time we're in the area.

A light sampling of Boombats' dick moves:


In the 5th grade:

I had a crush on the girl across the street. Somehow though I managed to shoot out one of her teeth with a slingshot, and make her cry by saying her parents got divorced because she was ugly (these were separate incidents). Boy was I smooth with the ladies.

In the 8th grade:

Plotted the death of a kid in my drama class. He had some sort of condition where he was abnormally small and underdeveloped but quite precocious and creepy with a creepy little gritty crackly voice and thick glasses. I was going to push him out the 4th-story window of the theater.

In the 11th grade:

I had an English teacher, a frazzled Jewish woman who was pretty decent but would butt heads with me sometimes. She developed a small cancerous growth in her nose and had to undergo surgery for its removal. I told her "be careful, sometimes people end up on the wrong table and get lobotomized." That sent her out of the classroom in tears.

At the age of 22:

Got a retard high on weed, then fucked the nurse in the ass on the patio of the group home while her husband was sleeping inside.

At the age of 23:

Black-out drunk, graffitied the walls of some friends' apartment, with horribly stupid ghetto shit. Stuff too embarrassing to reprint.

At the age of 25:

Had sex with one girl, didn't wash my dick, and then let another girl unwittingly suck the grunge off.

More recently:

Stole medication from a cancer patient. Not much but the concept is pretty dickworthy.