Only I am allowed to ask theoretical questions around here.

Oh, and Bear too. Grrrrr!

bomberz1qr20 wrote:Now you've made it a question of, "What's the worst way to be assaulted and raped: bear or gorilla?"

Easy.
A gorilla is only packing 1-2 inches of heat so there wouldn't be much tearing of flesh, plus he'd probably groom/pet you a bit afterwards... I don't imagine a bear would do that for you and their penises probably have teeth or something*. However, as he's a vegetarian, the gorilla might suffer from flatulence which could impinge upon the post-coital snooze.

*couldn't research this as "bear's penis" in Google brings up a bewildering array of "special interest" men's sites.

Rotten Tanx wrote:To clarify, it's only one punch and the bear has no claws. Just on strength alone.

but..a clawless bear? they don't really clench their fists for punching do they though? they get maximum surafce coverage by swiping with an open paw and if you get scratched my claws well, i'm sorry but that's just tough cheese squire...i think a bear is more likely to crush you to death and a gorilla will punch pretty hard... shit i don't know...there's more likely to be a gang of gorillas than a gang of bears...are you more likely to survive a one on one situation or a confusing (for them) group beating?

I'm not sure that either of these animals have the right muscle structure to actually 'punch' you. As Fantasmatical Thorr has quite rightly pointed out, a bear's strength is in the 'swipe', whereas a gorilla (if my experience of Attenborough films is right) is more into over hand type beatings or wrestling...I'm pretty sure the punch is a uniquely human attack...

I remember watching a documentary about various obscure marshal arts a couple of years ago, and one of the most deadly originates from Korea/Indonesia/Thailand...I can't remember where actually...

Anyhoo, the fighting technique involves open-palm slapping rather than punching.

Thus I clawless bear might not be such a lame-duck.

phildodd wrote:I'm not sure that either of these animals have the right muscle structure to actually 'punch' you. As Fantasmatical Thorr has quite rightly pointed out, a bear's strength is in the 'swipe', whereas a gorilla (if my experience of Attenborough films is right) is more into over hand type beatings or wrestling...I'm pretty sure the punch is a uniquely human attack...

Agreed.

A bear's attack is the "swipe", and the ever so destructive "pin-your-sorry-ass-to-the-ground-with-giant-claws-and-tear-your-face-off-with-a-crushing bite" technique.

A gorilla will flail you, bite you multiple times, and apparently, shake your sorry ass like a rag doll:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/03/ ... 7290.shtml

I'd take my chances with the gorilla...

May I ask, on a point related to the reason behind the raising of this question?

Were you mildly satisifed with that grizzly fella's death?

Not the girlfriend, mind, just the fella?

I saw this special on T.V. about bear attacks. They made an exact replica of a human skull and had a mechanical simulation of a bear swatting it from different angles.

I'm going with the gorilla.

.eater wrote:

I'd take my chances with the gorilla...

Is that supposed to be a bear or a gorilla?