steve wrote:Now, #14, All-Star third baseman for the St Louis Cardinals, Ken Boyer: Feeling a little sad when you feed your cat some food.

JB: Feeling a little like "chicken tonight" when you feed your cat.

JW: Feeling a little person when you feed your cat.


Bad Kenny: Delivering a strip-o-gram to someone's house, only to find that the house is currently being shown by a realtor.

kerble wrote:Kentathlon: Male-Pattern Incontinence

Just Better: Surge impotence

Just Worse: Czervikal cancer

Far Worse: Menstruating one's name in the snow.

Kenny: The Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades Variety Hour

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: The Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades Variety Hour

Much Better: The Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades Variety Hour's theme song, "Intifada-Da-Vida"

Just Better: A Meccan Tale: Abu Faces West, featuring the hit song, "No Jews in Mecca"

Just Worse: The Suicide Bomber's One-Stop Emporium and Last Meal Smorgasbord

Much Worse: The Mosque Boys' pop-punk cover of "Intifada-Da-Vida"


Kendall Gill: The Chevy Chase Show

Tree wrote:Kendall Gill: The Chevy Chase Show

Much Better: the Steely Dan Children's Hour

Just Better: Staring at a blank wall.

Just Worse: Pushing a Chevy uphill.



Kenny:"Is your falafel falling flat? Is your cous-cous clumpy like clay? Your hummous just ho-hum? Try adding a can of delicious, mouth-watering ABU-GRHAVY!"

kerble wrote:Kenny:"Is your falafel falling flat? Is your cous-cous clumpy like clay? Your hummous just ho-hum? Try adding a can of delicious, mouth-watering ABU-GRHAVY!"

An Increment Better: "Pass the GUANTANAMO-LE, please!"

An Increment Worse: "An extra helping of HUNGARIAN GOUL-AG!"

Kenny: Trying to spread peanut butter onto a bagel, but it keeps falling into the hole, despite your best efforts.

Cranius wrote:Kenny: Trying to spread peanut butter onto a bagel, but it keeps falling into the hole, despite your best efforts.

JB: Staring, bleary-eyed and hungover into one's coffee only to note that one's inexplicable arm-movement of some moments before resulted in a discarded pea being transported (via sticky elbow) from table to cup.

JW: Trying to spread marmite onto toast which has already been painstakingly spread with too-cold butter only to result in the painstakingly spread butter being lifted from the toast by the marmite, finally accepting defeat and eating alternate mouthfuls of dry toast, and marmite/butter directly from the knife.

Kenny: Stumbling but not falling in public and being unsure whether your stumble was observed or not.

Adam CR wrote:Kenny: Stumbling but not falling in public and being unsure whether your stumble was observed or not.

Just better: Laughing and farting at the same time at a fancy-dress party, and nobody noticing.

Just worse: Taking a misstep and stumbling (but not falling) on the stairs of the 42nd Street/Times Square subway station, spraining your ankle and turning sheet-white in full view of the after-theater crowd.

Kenny Rogers Roaster: Breaking a fingernail halfway down the nail bed, so it's impossible to trim off, therefore ensuring it will catch on sweaters for weeks to come.

burun wrote:Kenny Rogers Roaster: Breaking a fingernail halfway down the nail bed, so it's impossible to trim off, therefore ensuring it will catch on sweaters for weeks to come.

jb: finding out your are down to the last square of toilet paper, the pioneering glued-on guy which is really only a half square, at a moment of need.

jw: A group of bad street musicians calling themselves "The Trash Can Jam Band" has chosen your morning bus stop as their venue.

kenny on the barbie: your secret love for Outback Steakhouse's "Bloomin Onion"

itchy mcgoo wrote:kenny on the barbie: your secret love for Outback Steakhouse's "Bloomin Onion"

Just better: Your Love's Baby Soft obsession.

Just worse: Your love's secret love of bloomers.

Ken I Get A Witness: Nudie suits.

burun wrote:
Ken I Get A Witness: Nudie suits.

just better: a suit that has a panel from "Garden of Earthly Delights" done in sequins on the back

just worse: solid gold microphone



Kenny: a sloppy drunk who is a close talker and not nearly as funny as he thinks he his