STF wrote:There are very good reasons for not ending my present relationship. We own a car, an HDTV, and two cats and a dog together, and are renting to own our current residence (--a good deal, actually). If I leave my girlfriend--which I will probably do eventually, regardless of what happens with my co-worker--I will let her have all of this stuff.

What makes you think leaving her will be easier or a better idea eventually? What advantage do you gain by putting off the inevitable? Is it just laziness? Are things comfortable? Inertia?

I'm not trying to be an ass. What I will say is that it will not get any easier, and you gain nothing by putting it off.

My wife of 6 years (together 10) and I just separated recently. It was not easy when it was decided, and I'm sure it would've been much, much easier if we had decided to split before we got married.

The material items between us were not an issue. Splitting our three cats and dog up was the most difficult, but we came to an arrangement that works well for all. I now don't have a car, a TV, most kitchen utensils, etc... it's not a big deal, and I'm not worried about their loss - at all. The material items are cursory, and whether you are to be generous or not, it should not drive your ultimate decision. It is only an excuse.

Find your balls right now and end it. If not for yourself, do it so that she is free to live her life, fuck other people, etc...

wes9 wrote:

STF wrote:
There are very good reasons for not ending my present relationship. We own a car, an HDTV, and two cats and a dog together, and are renting to own our current residence (--a good deal, actually). If I leave my girlfriend--which I will probably do eventually, regardless of what happens with my co-worker--I will let her have all of this stuff. (Except the cat that I found and paid for his vet bills and love dearly.) I will have nothing. Of course I would gladly give this stuff up if I were sure my co-worker and I could have some sort of relationship. But for now I will wait and see.

You are a total fucking asshole and deserve to have absolutely nothing.

yea, sounds like you shouldn't be dating anyone at this point. Try being on your own and working on yourself before you get involved and ultimately hurt others.

Go for it.

See if it works, talk about it, and be prepared to leave your current partners.

It's your life and as long as children aren't involved the worst that can happen is some serious short-term hurt from respective partners, who will get over it.

Your happiness is what counts.

STF wrote:I have no problem with fucking a few times to see if the addition of physical affection confirms or refutes this feeling.

i think your girlfriend and your co-worker's husband would have a problem with this, no? put yourself in their shoes. your girlfriend could be sucking some other guy's cock right now. how would you like that?

not cool.

Gramsci wrote:It's your life and as long as children aren't involved the worst that can happen is some serious short-term hurt from respective partners, who will get over it.

me me me...

STF wrote:And I'd be crazy about her under any circumsatances. These just happen to be the worst possible.

!

grangle wrote:
i think your girlfriend and your co-worker's husband would have a problem with this, no? put yourself in their shoes. your girlfriend could be sucking some other guy's cock right now. how would you like that?

not cool.

me me me...

Right now, I wouldn't care. But generally, if my girlfriend liked someone else better she can leave. What can I do about that? If she wants to be forgiven I can choose to forgive her. Or tell her to go to hell.

Yeah, I can assume her husband wouldn't like it. But what he does about it isn't my concern.

Shtum.

STF wrote:[There are very good reasons for not ending my present relationship. We own a car, an HDTV, and two cats and a dog together, and are renting to own our current residence (--a good deal, actually). If I leave my girlfriend--which I will probably do eventually, regardless of what happens with my co-worker--I will let her have all of this stuff.

"Oh no, she'll get all the stuff" is no reason to keep a relationship going.

I speak from experience, as my ex recently came back from Florida and took all her stuff.

STF wrote:Yeah, I can assume her husband wouldn't like it. But what he does about it isn't my concern.

It will be your "concern" when he finds you and beats the living fuck from you.

Go fuck yourself.

if you wouldn't care, then i think you should just break up with her. look, i know everybody has their own definition of morality and i know that in the real world people cheat all the time. but on a purely practical level, it'll be easier if you just break up with the other person first. a lot less drama. cheating can also put other friends who know about it in a bad position. they have to talk to your girlfriend, knowing all the while that you've been with someone else.