Yo, Tim-

If my girlfriend and I treat you to a White Sox game, will you watch my dog for the weekend?

Hi Tim,

any silkworms boiled while making the silkworm records?
Will Andy grow hair on his head if he rubs some manure on it?

Hey Tmidgett,

You did such a good job explaining that "I am a prostitute" Achewood strip. Can you explain all the other ones for me as well?

Thanks!

Kerbled.

Some of you people are fucking weird is what.

= Justin

Dear Tim,

I am trying to grow an olive tree in my greenhouse, do you have any tips for successful germination? I am using ground up blackboard chalk as a soil conditioner; boy was I ever so excited to finally use a mortar and pestle for something!

tmidgett wrote:

Het Tmidgett

I just fed the cats and now I'm taking a dump and waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

Just thought you'd be interested.

Interesting. The pre-coffee dump. Not standard procedure for most people, I would wager.

I would agree but that's just the way my shit schedule works. As soon as I wake up I'm ready to unload. So by the time I get to my coffee it has no effect. I can't say that's true about lunch though.

Just thought you'd want me to follow up on this.

Tim,

I'm having a pulled pork sandwich from Smoky Jon's BBQ; it tasty but a bit messy and my beard is covered in sauce. I have some wet naps for clean up but they are pretty small and the BBQ sauce has penetrated pretty deep. I feel like I need a shower but I am at work. Do you have any further advice?

Michael Dahlquist told me a funny story about a guy at a trade show.

MD was working in a booth.

Guy came by. Big guy, slovenly, unwashed. Smelled bad. His face was badly chapped as if windburned. And he had barbecue sauce on this face.

Guy was talking about this and that having to do with imaging software (which MD's company sold).

MD is transfixed by this barbecue sauce on his face.

Then the guy notices MD noticing the barbecue sauce on his face.

Guy 'reaches into his mouth' (Michael's words--he didn't lick his fingers, he REACHED INTO HIS MOUTH) and pulled out a...gob...of...something. Saliva...didn't quite cover it. Mucus, I guess.

Guy 'rubs it into his face,' dispersing the barbecue sauce in sufficient manner to camouflage its presence.

It puts me off my feed to even relate this story to you, but 1) it is topical, and 2) it was more pungent yet coming from Michael, with his great storytelling ability. So it could be worse.

Anyway, you might try that.

Dear Tim midgett,
I am Prince James Irabo from the First Bank of Nigeria

No.

The worst bit was the flight home.

I know someone with the initials Biznono who had a terrible puking and shitting trans-Atlantic flight a couple years ago. It sounded pretty bad.

Dear TMidg,

Dreamed last night that you sold me a calculator. It only had the numbers: 1,3,0,4,6. You told me it was the model "One and Three and Friends". Then Andy came in and said that I should go for the " optional subtraction package". I knew you'd like to know.

!

Hi, Tim.

I have a wrist watch that bears the label a good maker, but which I assume to be fake. I like the size and weight and appearance of this watch a great deal. However, it's slowing in its time-keeping and needs a battery change. It caused me to be a little behind schedule this morning, which I dislike greatly.

So, at the moment, I am at my desk considering risking the minor social indiginity of having the battery on a perhaps fake watch changed. I could risk undertaking the complicated battery changing myself, which might ruin this watch which I like.

Yeah....Oh, hi, Itchy. Anyway, I would probably try to change it myself. But if you are 'all thumbs,' you should just take it to Target and have the watch person there do it. I once had them change a battery in a watch, and I had purchased both battery and watch elsewhere! WTF, it's Target.

Hi tmidgett!

Long time listener, first time caller. It's snowing out again here in Chicago. Could you please make it stop?

Really? Shit. I am going to have an unpleasant commute on my motor scooter. Perhaps I will take a cab.

I cannot make it stop.

Hello tmidgett,

Could you suggest something funny for me to write in this thread?

I hope this letter finds you well.

John

John, I am drawing a blank.

I am confident I will continue to draw a blank.

I have some fair warning when the muse is going to honor me with her presence, and she is not coming around in the near future.

Sorry.

Hey tmidgett!

Katey's family is coming to Texas for Passover in a few weeks. The house is clean now.

Making my 3rd trip to Lockhart for the year next week when we play in Boog. I hope my colon survives.

I am getting my first professional haircut of the 2000's in an hour.

More updates later.

Ok! Ciao!

Y'all are Jewish?

I regret that we will not be coming to TX in June, as I once thought.

I got a haircut in late December. I sent the stylist a photo of George Clooney and told her to do that. Fuck me if she didn't cut it just like George Clooney's. It was remarkable.

I haven't gotten it cut since, and the Clooney cut is long gone.

Hey TM,

I'm on a huge Spaghetti Western kick right now, have you seen many?

Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, Good Bad and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in America. I think that's about it.

Yo, Tim-

If my girlfriend and I treat you to a White Sox game, will you watch my dog for the weekend?

Sorry, I can't.

I love dogs, but I have no time to care for them. It's a First World Problem of mine.

Hi Tim,

any silkworms boiled while making the silkworm records?
Will Andy grow hair on his head if he rubs some manure on it?

No, and I doubt it.

Andy has said he might slightly prefer to have hair than not.

Regardless, he's certainly taken the right tack by eliminating what's left. I would have the same haircut if it was allowed.

Hey Tmidgett,

You did such a good job explaining that "I am a prostitute" Achewood strip. Can you explain all the other ones for me as well?

I'm afraid this is a rather broad request, and I do not have the wherewithal to fulfill it at this time.

Sorry.

Kerbled.

Ha! Unbelievable.

Dear Tim,

I am trying to grow an olive tree in my greenhouse, do you have any tips for successful germination? I am using ground up blackboard chalk as a soil conditioner; boy was I ever so excited to finally use a mortar and pestle for something!

I don't know anything at all about cultivating olives. But I would imagine Spokane is a suboptimal climate for doing it.

Which will make it all the more impressive when you succeed!

I would agree but that's just the way my shit schedule works. As soon as I wake up I'm ready to unload. So by the time I get to my coffee it has no effect. I can't say that's true about lunch though.

Just thought you'd want me to follow up on this.

You are fortunate on this front. As we age, regular bowel movements attain a hallowed status in our lives that would be unimaginable earlier in life.

tmidgettje wrote:

Steefje wrote:Het tmidgettje:

De francoficker mietje nee mij gekallen af de telefoonij met den gigdetailen, voor Ik nee gkallenvliedje je. Ik ben de sorrij. Ok, vaar-te fantastikoop.

This is Dutch? French fucker homosexual either did or did not call you with the gig details?

This is either good or bad news. Perhaps neutral.

My mind is utterly blown by this.

Hey Timmons, just a quick hit, then I'll hang up and listen.

I try to be at work around 5:30am as well, but haven't been getting there until a little after 6:00 lately. Mind you, I don't have to be there until 7:00, but I've been having trouble getting up in the morning. I am 30.

I, too, had a dream about you lately. It was also at T&G and we talked. I admired your shoes. Everything about the dream happened except the talking. I am wearing beige Simples right now.

hey tm,

we're playing our first show in a while tomorrow night in boston, following it up with a practice of new songs on saturday. brokaw and wussy are also playing the show and it should be a fun evening. both rob and i have bad colds. i almost have no voice right now. any advice?

-ew