Rotten Tanx wrote:The man says "I wished I had an orange for a head."

Mr. Tanx,
I laughed out loud. I'm twenty four.

so this guys walks into the bar, he goes up to the bartender says "hey, can I get ten shots of jager" bartender pours him the shots and he immediately takes the shots and just starts slamming them, he finnishes all ten in a matter of minutes and bartender goes "woah-hoah buddy... so, what's the big event!?" and the guy goes "I'm celebrating my first blow job!" and bartender goes "well congratulations my friend... can I get you another shot? and the guy goes "no offence man, but if ten shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will!"

Guy goes into a bar, he's from out of town. He sits down and he says, "Every Democrat in Washington is a horse's ass!" A big guy stands up, picks him up, and tosses him out the door. He comes back in a minute later, and says, "Every Republican in Washington is a horse's ass!" And the big guy stands up, picks him up, and tosses him out the door. He comes back in a minute later and asks the bartender, "Say, what's the deal? Is this Republican country or Democrat country?"
The bartender replies, "Neither. This is horse country."

Guy goes into a bar, says, "Bartender, set me up with six glasses of your finest single malt Scotch whisky."
Bartender pours out six glasses, and lines them up on the bar. The man drinks them one after the other - bam! bam! bam! bam! bam! bam!, pulls out his wallet, and stands up to go. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what's the rush?"
The guy says, "You'd be in a hurry too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?"
"Three dollars."

Guy goes into a bar - big guy - stands in the middle of the bar and yells, "Everybody on this end of the bar is a cocksucker, and everybody on that end of the bar is a motherfucker!" Everybody kind of shuffles their feet and stares into their drinks, and then at one end of the bar, a little guy gets up, meekly, and starts walking towards the man. The man yells, "Hey buddy, you got a problem with what I just said?!"
"No, sir, I'm just on the wrong end of the bar."

Gorilla goes into a bar, sits down, orders a beer. The bartender pours him a beer, and he sits and drinks it. The gorilla says, "What do I owe ya," and the bartender thinks about it, and figures a gorilla has no idea what beer costs.
"Ten dollars."
"OK," says the gorilla, and pays.
"Say," says the bartender, "we don't get many gorillas in here."
"Yeah. Well, at ten bucks a beer, you won't get many more."

Hot dog goes into a bar, sits down, orders a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

And here's one that used to be offensive, but I cleaned it up - guaranteed not to offend:
A man of a certain ethnicity goes into a bar with a beautiful large parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Wow, that's amazing! Where did you get that?", and the parrot names a continent on which many people of that man's ethnicity may be found.

Linus Van Pelt wrote:
And here's one that used to be offensive, but I cleaned it up - guaranteed not to offend:
A man of a certain ethnicity goes into a bar with a beautiful large parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Wow, that's amazing! Where did you get that?", and the parrot names a continent on which many people of that man's ethnicity may be found.

I dont get it. Africa? Asia? Australasia? Europe?

Wait, I just got it. But I'll post this anyway to let you know how dumb I am.

An elderly woman walks into a bar and orders a pint. She takes it over to the pool table, racks the balls up and then proceeds to carefully balance the pint on her head without spilling a drop. She then clears the table in a matter of seconds before downing the pint in one and leaving.

One of the guys at the bar turns to the barman and says
"Jesus...who was that amazing woman?"

"That....was Beatrix Potter"

I'll tell the best (so far) offensive version.

So a rabbi with a frog sitting on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that?"

And the frog says, "In Brooklyn. There's hundreds of 'em!"

chrissummerlin wrote:An elderly woman walks into a bar and orders a pint. She takes it over to the pool table, racks the balls up and then proceeds to carefully balance the pint on her head without spilling a drop. She then clears the table in a matter of seconds before downing the pint in one and leaving.

One of the guys at the bar turns to the barman and says
"Jesus...who was that amazing woman?"

"That....was Beatrix Potter"

i have laffed until crying

salut

tmidgett wrote:

chrissummerlin wrote:An elderly woman walks into a bar and orders a pint. She takes it over to the pool table, racks the balls up and then proceeds to carefully balance the pint on her head without spilling a drop. She then clears the table in a matter of seconds before downing the pint in one and leaving.

One of the guys at the bar turns to the barman and says
"Jesus...who was that amazing woman?"

"That....was Beatrix Potter"

i have laffed until crying

salut

I am very far away from understanding this joke! Please to explain for me, someone, please.

Chewbacca walks into a bar with a TV hanging from his neck. The bartender asks, "hey, Chewbacca, why do you have a TV around your neck?" Chewbacca replies, "RRRRAAAAWWWAAAARRRRRRRRGH!"

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first mouse looks at the others and says "I'm the baddest mouse in my neighborhood. They set mouse traps with cheese, and I eat the cheese anyway!". The second mouse looks at the others and says "That's nothing. In my neck of the woods they poison the cheese, and I eat it regardless". The third mouse gets up to leave. The others look at him and say "Where are you going?" The third mouse says "I'm going home to fuck the cat".