clocker bob may 30, 2006 wrote:I think the possibility of interbreeding between an earthly species and an extraterrestrial species is as believable as any other explanation for the existence of George W. Bush.
All the best man! Thanks for the link.PASTA wrote: Wed May 14, 2025 5:41 pm Godspeed, y'all. Start the new course of treatment after dinner.
A little something Leah penned about our journey
https://www.abta.org/mindmatters/from-c ... -the-abta/
clocker bob may 30, 2006 wrote:I think the possibility of interbreeding between an earthly species and an extraterrestrial species is as believable as any other explanation for the existence of George W. Bush.
I missed this. Happy birthday man! Welcome to 50.PASTA wrote: Sat Oct 04, 2025 10:10 am WELL.
Here we are 14 years survivor. In recurrence, but still alive. Been fortunate to have lived to see dramatic advances in not just treatment but approaches to quality of life. My 50th birthday is Tuesday. Leah and I are going to take all the steps get each other FULL power of attorney, and get into Oncology specific counseling. There are more emotions thank I have words for.
I'm incredibly grateful for this wee lil pocket of the internet, that many relationships have grown out of.
BE kind to yourselves.
clocker bob may 30, 2006 wrote:I think the possibility of interbreeding between an earthly species and an extraterrestrial species is as believable as any other explanation for the existence of George W. Bush.
I'm sorry this is happening man. Grief is a complicated creature. She may be feeling all the things, she may still be processing the diagnosis. There is no "supposed to feel", in any situation, there is just what we feel. Feelings are irrational, no matter what your education tells you. I'd bet she doesn't need some analytical grief time line.ChudFusk wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 5:20 pm could just accept the past and access the feelings she is supposed to feel in a time like this.
Oh I know, and at this point I'm not saying anything to her about that because I gave her plenty of warning over the past 10 years since my mom died. I am grateful that I went through my healing before my mom got sick, so that when she did I was able to help her without the encumbrance of resentment, and I tried to encourage my GF to do the same so that she doesn't have to do the dual task of healing from pain while helping the person who caused it. But she really procrastinated on therapy, didn't tell her past therapists the truth about her issues, and generally built a life in which she could avoid dealing with anything. So now if I match her energy in this situation then her mom is going to be emotionally neglected, and if I step in then I'm basically being better than my GF and I'm afraid she will resent me too.PASTA wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 6:25 pmI'm sorry this is happening man. Grief is a complicated creature. She may be feeling all the things, she may still be processing the diagnosis. There is no "supposed to feel", in any situation, there is just what we feel. Feelings are irrational, no matter what your education tells you. I'd bet she doesn't need some analytical grief time line.ChudFusk wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 5:20 pm could just accept the past and access the feelings she is supposed to feel in a time like this.
For the record, my education tells me that feelings are irrational so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯PASTA wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 6:25 pm Feelings are irrational, no matter what your education tells you.
I feel for you. That sounds a lot like my relationship dynamic and my experience of my girlfriend losing her father to cancer in 2018. I also basically forced my girlfriend to go to therapy four years ago for the sake of the relationship and our family. It worked, got her at least back in the right place to be life partners, and life is good now, but goddamn etc. Like I said, I can relate and feel for where you're at. In the end it comes down to the fact that you are different and different is ultimately ok (on both sides), even if it can be extremely alienating at times. The problem is when you are "feeling for two" and it is too intense etc. Hopefully, that is less the case with her in therapy trying to feel her feelings for herself. As for how to be with your mother-in-law (shorthand, my situation is the same): I don't know, she (your gf) knows you and your big loud love, maybe you just need to tell her what you need to do, what's in your nature, and be open that you hope she doesn't resent that. She has to love that nature, right? Maybe she will be happy and relieved that you can be more emotional with her mom, who knows. You've been part of that family for a long time and deserve to continue to be your authentic self there, though it may feel inappropriate to you. Perhaps you can just spend time with your girlfriend's mom alone and support her and not feel observed, like a regular weekly visit or whatever? Good luck, Johnny B.ChudFusk wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 5:20 pm Congrats or condolences to all as appropriate. Sorry to be brief but my girlfriend's mom, who is basically my mother-in-law for the past 32 years by everything except a marriage license, just got a cancer diagnosis and it's really fucking me up. It's fucking me up because my mom died of cancer, and because this woman made me feel welcome in a family that is not especially warm or welcoming. It's also fucking me up because I am more overtly upset about this than my girlfriend. She was supportive when I lost my parents and I vowed to do the same for her when the time comes, but it's hard to be emotionally supportive of someone who isn't as upset as I am. They get along but do not have a very warm relationship, and while I understand why my GF doesn't feel the same about her mom as I did about mine (who was very warm and loving), I have been imploring her to do whatever it takes to heal from that so she can be there for her parents and be unencumbered by resentment or any other hangups or walls between them. She's been going to therapy for a while now and is making some progress, but from my perspective the structures of resentment are there even if the thoughts and beliefs have changed. So here I am, crying bigtime for the mother of my life partner, and I feel alone. I'm sure she feels alone in her feelings too, but I just can't relate to her ambivalence. If I can't support her emotionally then at least I can be there for her mom, who does not have the emotional support of her husband/GF's father, but it's going to be weird to inject my big loud love into this family situation, and I wish my GF could just accept the past and access the feelings she is supposed to feel in a time like this.
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