This happened last night around midnight. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what happened. It seems like the last few months, she has been unhappy with me. OK maybe not with me in my entirety but with certain negative aspects of my personality. I am not that outgoing, I'm not romantic enough, I'm self-centered, I don't always say what is pissing me off, I may become "dickish" from time to time, and I suffer from depression (which is probably where most of my personality *quirks* are coming from). The kicker is that I finally found a therapist I can afford and went for the first time last week. Things were looking up.

I relied alot in this relationship on the old adage that women are always trying to change "their' men. I mean it is true to some point...isn't it? I guess my now ex-girlfriend doesn't want to be with me because of these negative parts in my personality, that she feels she shouldn't have to change to be with me. She also says I have the best heart of anyone she knows and she loves that about me....as well as many other things......?

It was a strange break up. I saw her and I could tell something was up. It started with her expressing her unhappiness with the relationship and me being too selfish and self-centered. I then brought up that nobody is perfect and she has faults as well. She admitted to this. I then reaffirmed that I love her in spite of all of the little quirks that she has. I don't feel it is my job to try to change her, but as we grow as a couple things will fall into place (or not). She brought up negative events that happened over the last year. I told her I can't change what I've done, only what I try to do in the future. I could feel her edging towards just saying "I'm through, it's over, etc.", but she didn't. She started to cry. I tried to console her. She pushed me away and said I deserve someone who loves me the same way I love her, and to not stop her from going. She ran out of my place.

It felt very final. She wanted to break up clean, but somehow she started to think and became confused about what she wanted or how she felt. It feels like she made the decision....? We haven't talked yet. I haven't felt this bad in my heart for many years. Fuck, this hurts.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (besides the therapist). All of my current acquaintances were originally befriended with her. I guess this may also be in part responsible for her unhappiness with me. I've had a hard time making friends since I've moved to Chicago. I guess that's why I'm posting on here. I'm not looking for any solutions or advice (really) but just needed to put this out there. Thanks and sorry for the poor punctuation. If you want to give some advice or tell me to shut the fuck up, that is fine as well.

That is a huge load of suck, no two ways about it.

Amicable (relatively speaking) breakups almost always have some ambiguity to them. And though you didn't ask for advice, I'll give one piece anyway, from experience - immediately begin moving on. I'm not saying forget her, as that's not possible. But do not spend a single second in anticipation of you two getting back together. That puts you in stasis and do you want to remain in your current condition? Keep moving, keep getting better.

Dude, that sucks.
That kind of sounds like my last real relationship except that all of our friends were originally mine and she dumped me at her place.
I ended up staying the night, but the next morning it did feel weird leaving my set of her keys behind.
I remember shaving my head that afternoon and thinking something meaningful was behind my doing it.
I also really needed a haircut.
Plus it killed about 30 minutes that I didn't know what to do with.

Ty Webb wrote:That is a huge load of suck, no two ways about it.

Amicable (relatively speaking) breakups almost always have some ambiguity to them. And though you didn't ask for advice, I'll give one piece anyway, from experience - immediately begin moving on. I'm not saying forget her, as that's not possible. But do not spend a single second in anticipation of you two getting back together. That puts you in stasis and do you want to remain in your current condition? Keep moving, keep getting better.

Thanks.

Yeah, I started to try to "un-marry" her from my thoughts last night. It's hard when you've been together over a year. On top of this, we live across the hall from each other in the same apartment.

Christopher_Dragon wrote:Dude, that sucks.
That kind of sounds like my last real relationship except that all of our friends were originally mine and she dumped me at her place.
I ended up staying the night, but the next morning it did feel weird leaving my set of her keys behind.
I remember shaving my head that afternoon and thinking something meaningful was behind my doing it.
I also really needed a haircut.
Plus it killed about 30 minutes that I didn't know what to do with.

Nice, funny thing though, she is a cosmetologist and always cut my hair....I've had the best hair of my life over the last year. Man I'm fucked.

breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Try to believe it is for the best somehow and move forward. Someday, it will be for the best, but may not be apparent now.

Best of luck...

across the hall?! wow, that is going to be tough. I suggest moving

Yeah, get another apartment. Get new friends. Start over. Treating the depression comes first obviously, but that may be easier if you take on this new start as a project and remove all these negatives hanging over your head.

joesepi wrote:across the hall?! wow, that is going to be tough. I suggest moving

Or become a ninja.
Then you can use your window instead of your front door.