i like the way colin jost thinks .. what goes on in that brain .. and his stories are cute, falling asleep on hott pizza boxes and burgers .. that's like warm hugs 🤗 i don't like fame, i like real life .. if i write to him and he never writes back that would drive me crazy in the interim, playing mi...

i remember watching the vh1: behind the music about weird al when the video shows weird al in a tuxedo on the red carpet and the voice over says "weird al doesn't do drugs.. if he did, he'd be normal" and the video is weird al picking up his own leg and putting it over his head and he star...

i always took such good care of my teeth and then i lost my good dentist , he found out i was married but i wasn't really telling people and then his dental excuse was that he stopped accepting our insurance la la then i got divorced and then i needed a new dentist now because my tooth hurt and the ...

i was giggling in the fanciest part of town saying "god, i love new york" and the magnificent mile snobs maybe felt a little less magnificent or maybe they thought i didn't know what city i'm in and then i found out on the beach my bikini is see through when it gets wet so i went home and ...

somnium by kepler, it's about a witch mom and her son summoning a demon to learn about the moon, carl sagan and issac asimov say it's the first science fiction book written and it's the first scientific treatise on lunar astronomy and it's like 14 pages so i will prob be finished reading it by the ...

i was going around with the gun from time crisis 2 pretending and being cool like i'm cobra and i was on this mountain fixing computer stuff with my old punk buddies and i had two special boxes and people figured scarlett johansson's should have them and i kept going around like these are mine lala ...

yay haha i got a massage and felt good and then i ordered my favorite smoothie in the city and on my way to get it, i was offered alcohol, and i didn't want tito's and cheetos, that was my thing in nola and i wound up winning contests at coyote ugly and getting told i should work at hustler hollywoo...

I can't be with a woman and I can't be without one... lol can't live with em, can't live blahblah haha yeah so i kept playing my videogame and the chick who showed me her bra found a way to survive but then her uncle tried to marry her but the chick i chose gave me a beautiful child and then became...

god bless new order for deciding to go to the beach and making sure there's baywatch action