Well, at least he’s building up his resume while unemployed.

Experience

Extracted three and one half teeth from my own mouth with a pair of rusty pliers. I shit you not.

Local Bloke jailed for depleting 8% of world s ozone layer--Sydney Morning Herald ”A local bloke has been incarcerated for depleting 8% of the entire planet s ozone layer with his hairspray. œHe has enough hairspray in there to send the Hindenburg to fucking Mars and back stated Judge Gunston in is closing statements. œ œHis name is Gene-O Monaro. He stands 6 8 and plays A-grade club rugby on the weekends. But that s beside the point right now. He has enough fluorocarbons in his hair to cause a polar bears pubes to  burst into flames  from 800,000 miles away. Related Articles:http://gunstonlegal.wixsite.com/legalGene-o Monaro: 6 8 rugby player with exploded pubes. œI added 10 more years to his sentence for the crime of entering my courtroom  wearing a comically small jacket tied nonsensically around his waist, an item of clothing that will obviously never fit over the top of the big thick jacket he is already wearing. œ10 more years! œAs for the hairspray, when he entered my courtroom,  my thick swatch of dashing hair was  greying in a distinguished manner said the Judge. œBy the time he left, my skull looked like the Amazonian rainforest had been shot through the flames of Satan s arsepuck halfway to fucking Hades. œ57 more years!

Nuremburg Barbie Defects to Mexico.--NY Times--Amidst the recent confusion swirling around the US due to the controversial nature of President Trump's governance, Nuremburg Barbie has quietly gone and defected to fuckin' Mexico.Hola, cunts.--Nuremburg Barbie in sunny downtown Mexico.The blonde-haired reptilian ex-advisor to President Trump tonight explained that I just cannot afford to donate any more of my fucken hair to the Trumpster. I'm getting dangerously thin up there. Plus, the orange cunt's already fracked my pubes halfway to fucken Tijuana and back and gone and sewn the poor little cunts to the top of his fuckin head.Upon being informed of the defection, President Trump immediately announced open auditions on the 25th floor of Trump Tower for the vacant position of Presidential Advisor which is open to all chicks with blonde hair and big blonde frackable pubes.

^^ Lol'd like a fuckwit at this.Salut! and welcome, FM Sprague Dawley

Local Man Wins Big Chair Award.--Japan Times--A local man has won The Biggest Daftest Chair Award for the second week running.I've got the biggest daftest chair not the longest fucking arms you stupid fucking cunts. Come a bit closer.The man said the chair cost him 10 bucks down at the local recycled shop. Then I souped it up a bit he said. I put the vertical extensions on. I call them 'vert extensions'. Sometimes I call them 'racing fins' when I'm half-pissed. Coupla bits of two by four, then I painted the cunt white. You want to sit on it? Sure go ahead, be my guest, it'll only cost you a beheading but that's no skin off my cock.Look fuckfaces, I am not coming any fucken closer. You come the fuck over here. That's what we did last week when I won this same award you  Alzheimer's memory-loss cunt brigade.Ahh fuckit, just give  the  bloody award to  one of  the wheelchair hotties and  they can roll the  fucking thing  on over to me... useless wankers.

Nuremburg Barbie Adjusting To Life In Mexico After Defection.--NY Times--President Trump's former right-wing I mean former right-hand confidante, Nuremburg Barbie, is said to be settling in well after defecting to fucken Mexico last month. She is now said to be almost fluent at speaking Mexican. œHola cunts, el diablo dildo mein conquistador el gash pubes fracking time. --Nuremburg Barbie buying a loaf of bread in sunny sperm-stained downtown Mexico. œHola taco-faced cunt, mein Berlin wall spic hombre el paso burrito tortilla? --Nuremburg Barbie asking what time is the next bus to fucken Tijuana œHola mein sombrero el pubus memorandus Shell Oil Gulf of Mexico el gringo cunthead Pablo Escobar? --Nuremburg Barbie in the supermarket asking where the fucken Tabasco sauce is.

Local 4-Year Old Crowned King of Jokes.--USA Today--Oh yes, he is definitely the King of Jokes around here said 8-year old Melissa Gurnedheight. He just rides around on his tricycle telling his jokes to unsuspecting people, to both adults and children and before they know it, they're pissing mist and spilling scalding-hot Starbucks coffee all over their dicks. Or tipping over their trainer-wheeled chariots onto the grass, engulfed in delirious fits of laughter.If I've got 2 girls, 1 cup, and deez nuts then what have I got?Oh shit, you told me this one before and it gets ugly said young Sarah Peddleman as she sped off on her Schwinn.A granny tranny, an octopus, and a chinaman were waiting in the bukkake line when...GAHH, Jesus, not that one said 5-year old James Brownwaite, as he cupped his hands over his ears, closed his eyes, and ran off head-first into a tree.A jew, an arab, and a welshman were donkey punching an orphan mongol child in the 9/11 rubble when suddenly..La la la, I can't hear you, motherfucker.

Japan demands A-Bomb apology from President Trump.--TOKYO- ”Japan has urged President Trump to apologize for the U.S. atomic bombings when he visits Japan next. The Commander-In-Chief visited Japan just recently but declined to issue a formal written apology for a-bombing Japan's nutsacks back to the motherfucking Stone Age a few years back.Community Sponsor: Have Your Say!http://www.japan-war-apology.proboards.com/FUCK YOUUU, GAIJIN TRUMP,WHERE IS MY WAR SORRY?--local MP Mr Kamei.Japan Army, I mean, Japan Friendly Aid Unit, was working their way through Asia in 1940's, spreading good cheer and food parcel said Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, when suddenly, in 1945, news comes through from back home that violent war criminal americans have dropped murderous and potentially lethal atomic bombs all over our mums dogs nuts. What the fuck, USA? Cock is meat murder all over our groin gristle.Which one of you big-nosed gaijin freak war criminal terrorist cocksuckers is the Trump? ANSWER ME.There we were, 1945, minding our own business continued Abe, having a good old sing-a-long in Burma, Japanese tea brewing on campfire, live chinaman roasting over an open fire, when hello, we get news from home that ballsacks have gone nuclear, testi's are radiation glowing all over the town, dicks are on fire, and bumcracks are melting all up and down the main drag. What the fuck, USA? Give peace a chance!...therefore, here in makeshift Japanese Hague, I today pronounce that you are all GUILTY of war crime against Japanese Imperial Army I mean Japanese Imperial Aid Unit.Just working our way through Manchuria continued Abe, giving aid to needy dogbreed ching-chong citizens, handing out free chopsticks to those smelly cross-eyed rickshaw motherfuckers, instructing them on the finer points of Japanese bukkake queue etiquette, when what the fuck, a blinding light in the sky and suddenly Code Red, mum's cock has gone thermonuclear. What the fuck, America? If you want chopsticks, just ask for the fuckers!We stop by with free complimentary chopsticks for friendly Pearl Harbour barbeque in 1940's and you repay us 4 years later with nuclear detonation? What the fuck, America? SAY SORRY.My Grandfather Kishi and Uncle Tojo were having a peaceful game of mahjong in parlour continued Abe, when suddenly bright nuclear burst and grandfather and uncle are both whisked off to War Tribunal Committee and strung up by their nuts by sundown. For what, America? Are you implying Uncle Tojo cheated at mahjong? He was man of honour! Obama must apologize not only for A-Bomb murders but also apologize for impeaching honour of Uncle Tojo as serious mahjong competitor.Drinks and refreshments will be served in the foyer afterwards. Thank you.

Trump Solves Non-Existent Climate Change Issue In 30 Seconds.--NY Times--President Donald Trump has today come up with a novel solution for the climate change issue currently manifesting itself globally in the form of rising ocean levels.Look, they tell me the ocean levels are rising... said the skeptical Commander in Chief. Personally, I don't believe it. Too much water? So what are they waiting for? Just use fire to burn the excess water off. Your local fire department can do that. Send a fire engine to the beach. They can use fire to lower the ocean levels. One beach at a time. Less water means lower ocean levels. That's basic science. Use fire. Fire is a well known heat generator. Fire can burn all sorts of things. Including water. Easy. Problem solved. Next!  Hurry the fuck up, get to that fucking beach, this global warming shit is a race against fucken time.