twelvepoint wrote: Mon Nov 10, 2025 7:18 am Indie music is amazing if you look at from an outsider perspective. You have 4(ish) people who formed a self-organizing collective to make pure art, sometimes intentionally abrasive and disdainful of commercial success! How does shit get done? How do you maintain a mutually respectful artistic focus year after year while hemorrhaging money? It’s amazing this thing ever works and is a real testament to what people will endure to make art.

This, but in a so what if some asshole you’re stuck with twice a week gets on your nerves sort of way - if you’re working towards a collective vision - for any amount of money, incl. less than none - who gives a fuck who likes who. Do the thing, make it work. If it doesn’t or is so unproductive it might as well not, then you don’t have to stick around.

Anybody can already play music together whenever without a firm commitment. I never really wanted to be in a band with my friends, I just wanted to try and make something great. Occasionally you hit the personality lottery and the situation is easy and free.

That being said, any time a paying cover band opportunity came up I could never even make it to the first practice. Not built that way

I had a bandmate 25 years ago who was one of the most diabolical people I’ve ever met. He was the only person I ever truly hated and I really struggled with it, even long after I quit the band. It was such a disgusting feeling to hate someone that badly. It took me a decade or more to be at peace with him. He screwed me over pretty badly. I couldn’t believe I let myself hitch my wagon to such a flagrant sociopath.

A couple of years ago, he shot and killed both of his elderly parents, then turned the gun on himself. The news shook me to my core.

Hating bandmates is crap with zero waffles.

Holy shit, FM Dave N!

Makes making music with junkies and drunks seem pretty bush league compared to that. I’m seriously sorry for what was a legit traumatic experience

Dave N. wrote: Wed Nov 12, 2025 8:34 am I had a bandmate 25 years ago who was one of the most diabolical people I’ve ever met. He was the only person I ever truly hated and I really struggled with it, even long after I quit the band. It was such a disgusting feeling to hate someone that badly. It took me a decade or more to be at peace with him. He screwed me over pretty badly. I couldn’t believe I let myself hitch my wagon to such a flagrant sociopath.

A couple of years ago, he shot and killed both of his elderly parents, then turned the gun on himself. The news shook me to my core.

Hating bandmates is crap with zero waffles.

Totally know who your talking about.

I have been in a band with FM Dave N for about 18 years now. I have heard many stories about his time with the bandmate he wrote about. When the horrific incident happened a few years ago, I saw and felt how intense it was. Dave was shook. It was so fucked up.
As far as Dave and myself go, we have always enjoyed each other's company. The main memory I have is laughter. There may have been times when we were not on the same page, and certain health issues have made touring a problem for me. I was about 40 when our band formed. That being said, it is still among the best things in my life to play with him.
This post is where I get to say I love my bandmates. I have been a lucky guy for a long time and I hope to continue for as long as possible. Life is too short to play with folks you hate.

Sitting in a chemo room… this post made my day.

I was in a horrendously toxic band in college.

We started as friends, but these dudes were perhaps the most miserable, self-hating people I've ever met, and their preferred form of entertainment was talking ruthless shit about everyone they knew, including their friends. They were also both really funny, which made it fun for a while, until band practices devolved into nearly wordless, icy spaces of silence, punctuated by terse exchanges like:

"Do you want to play X?"
"Sure".
[band plays x]
"Do you want to play Y next?"
"fine"

etc.

It was awful. I could tell I was going to become more like them if I stayed, so I quit. Can't say I ever fully crossed the line into hating them, but it was bad enough that I've come nowhere close to that sort of band relationship since.

It's great when other bands I've been in have been genuinely friendly, but even the ones that weren't tight were at least kind and professional.

I cannot imagine trying to make art you love with people you hate.

I totally read, “ I cannot imagine trying to make love with people you hate.”

I totally can, done it several times…

offal wrote: their preferred form of entertainment was talking ruthless shit about everyone they knew, including their friends.

Fuck. Without shit talking, I've got nothing. It's the spice of life.

Gramsci wrote: Fri Nov 14, 2025 7:42 am Sitting in a chemo room… this post made my day.

Shit, I hope it's a preventing type of chemo, rather than a corrective one.

I had a best friend band-mate and he moved to an another city with his GF, we had a similar relationship that FM trey speaks about. I guess love conquers all in the end.