themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm So much has happened since originally posting this. We are in mediation. We met with a "Financial Neutral" The whole process has felt biased against me and my situation...

Recently my wife has demanded that I agree to a "stop the clock" date for our separation, admittedly because she wants to cut things off before we hit the 20-year mark of our marriage in order to not be on the hook for a longer Maintenance/Alimony period.

****
Under New York's maintenance guidelines (DRL § 236(B)(6)), the advisory duration of maintenance payments is expressed as a percentage of the length of the marriage. The brackets are:
Up to 15 years: 15% to 30% of the length of the marriage
15 to 20 years: 30% to 40% of the length of the marriage
More than 20 years: 35% to 50% of the length of the marriage
So for a marriage of 19 years and 9 months, the advisory range would be roughly 6 to 8 years of maintenance. For a marriage just over 20 years, the range would be roughly 7 to 10 years.
****

She's saying I need to agree to stopping the clock before May 13th (our anniversary) or she will not agree to keeping the house... which is the scenario we are currently trying to make work... This along with other non-negotiables she's demaning a lot of this feels like coercion.

Can anybody here speak to this or offer advice? I'm supposed to give and answer today. I feel like I am being asked to answer under duress. I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

I could use some thoughts... also, does anybody know a good lawyer for counsel and to review the mediation agreements? I'm in NYC.


Thanks guys.

hbiden@onlyfans.com wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 5:41 pm

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm So much has happened since originally posting this. We are in mediation. We met with a "Financial Neutral" The whole process has felt biased against me and my situation...

Recently my wife has demanded that I agree to a "stop the clock" date for our separation, admittedly because she wants to cut things off before we hit the 20-year mark of our marriage in order to not be on the hook for a longer Maintenance/Alimony period.

****
Under New York's maintenance guidelines (DRL § 236(B)(6)), the advisory duration of maintenance payments is expressed as a percentage of the length of the marriage. The brackets are:
Up to 15 years: 15% to 30% of the length of the marriage
15 to 20 years: 30% to 40% of the length of the marriage
More than 20 years: 35% to 50% of the length of the marriage
So for a marriage of 19 years and 9 months, the advisory range would be roughly 6 to 8 years of maintenance. For a marriage just over 20 years, the range would be roughly 7 to 10 years.
****

She's saying I need to agree to stopping the clock before May 13th (our anniversary) or she will not agree to keeping the house... which is the scenario we are currently trying to make work... This along with other non-negotiables she's demaning a lot of this feels like coercion.

Can anybody here speak to this or offer advice? I'm supposed to give and answer today. I feel like I am being asked to answer under duress. I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

I could use some thoughts... also, does anybody know a good lawyer for counsel and to review the mediation agreements? I'm in NYC.


Thanks guys.

let me get this straight. she owes you alimony, but she is going to keep the house and kids? but she will sell the house if you don't agree to this deadline? and you don't want her to do that for some reason?

just tell her you need to talk to your lawyer first. don't sign anything today!

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:03 pm

Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.

How would you say this? We are in mediation, so it's up to us to draw this up and have the mediator work it out.

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:03 pm

Curry Pervert wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 6:01 pm

themilford wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2026 12:40 pm I would agree to the cutoff date in good-faith if we are still agreeing to keep the house, because my business and financial health are tied to the house (workshop, studio, community, proximity to my warehouse and manufacture, etc.) But if things cannot be reconciled to keep the house and I need to sell and relocated my financial situation and future becomes a whole other ball of wax that I might need the longer Maintenance for... but I fear stating my own condition to nullify the stop-date agreement might stir the pot further.

Maybe get a contract drawn up whereby she agrees to those terms under financial penalty - this would offset the losses from the earlier cutoff date.

How would you say this? We are in mediation, so it's up to us to draw this up and have the mediator work it out.